Mercedes-AMG C 63 S at the Valley Run

Living life a quarter mile at a time has to be one of the most horrible automotive clichés, ever. I mean what the hell is it supposed to mean? And really, how difficult can it be to step on the throttle and hold the steering straight for four hundred metres? Yet there’s this large community of automotive enthusiasts – proper petrol heads I am told! – who specialise and compete only in drag races. Am I missing something here?

Porsche and M3 left in the C 63 S’ wake.

Apparently so, says Ouseph. Last year he competed in the Valley Run and smoked an Aston and Lambo on his way to third overall in the open class. And he did it with the Mercedes-Benz ML 63 AMG. In fact, Ouseph did so much damage at the drag strip, and embarrassed so many supercars with his AMG SUV, that the organisers banned SUVs from participating this year! Guess that ML 63 AMG was just too fast for proper sports cars.

Concentration at the start, reaction times are crucial in a drag race

So what do I take part in this year? The AMG GT S, obviously! But Mercedes-Benz’s yellow monster had other things lined up for it in Delhi. And that left me with the other AMG I absolutely adore. It is closely related to my daily driver; it has four doors, four seats, leather everywhere, a killer Burmester sound system and an expensive IWC clock; and when you’re in the mood it will spin up its rear tyres and power oversteer in a manner very few sportcars can. It is the C 63 S AMG and, just like my diesel C-Class, it is blue. It even has a largish boot with a spare wheel strapped in. Could I find a more unusual car to pop my drag racing cherry?

Pre-race preparation then and we are off to our favourite road on Saturday to run the tank dry. I want that AMG engine to sing loudly and for that it needs the best quality fuel I can buy at the pump. So it’s up and down the twisties leading up to Lavasa to run the tank dry, and half way through that I realise I’m destroying the rear tyres. You see, the C 63 S AMG is such an addictive car, and with the limited-slip rear differential so easy to slide around, you immediately shut off all stability control aids and get the car to smoke its rear tyres. More than Speed 97, the AMG will need a good set of rear tyres on the drag strip tomorrow.

All smiles pre-race. And post race.

I’m up bright and early on Sunday and make it to the Aamby Valley runway in Lonavala at 9am to check out the bikes smoking the quarter mile. The screaming superbikes, the burnouts in the pits to make the tyres hot and sticky, the sheer variety on display – it is enough to make a believer out of even the most hardcore cynic (me!). And then comes the heavy machinery. There’s a GT-R, a two-door sports coupe with a rear-transaxle and all-wheel drive. Apparently there’s another one coming and both are tuned. One is claimed to make 700bhp, the other 800bhp. Gulp. An hour later a blown Evo X rocks up, with a whole suite of aero mods – diffusers, splitters and a wing the size of a picnic table. There’s another Evo, which looks even more menacing. In the pits are five mechanics working on an Octavia RS that has been modified for drag racing which includes turning the engine around to drive the rear wheels, not the fronts. There is all sorts of specialised machinery including a bunch of carbon-clad Porsche’s and the mandatory Fast and Furious Supra. The Mercedes-AMG is the only four-door, leather-clad, rear-wheel drive car on the grid and everybody is curious as to what it will do. One regular checks out the four doors and says it should do the quarter mile in 15 seconds. Another looks at the V8 bi-turbo badge on the fenders and says it should be under 14 seconds. I crank it up, blip the throttle and the times drop to 13 seconds. The C 63 S AMG is a beast! This V8 has been downsized to four litres but breathes through two turbochargers and is closely related to the motor in the brilliant AMG GT S.  In S spec, the AMG motor – ours was hand-built by Yalin in Affalterbach – cranks out 503bhp of power and a full-fat 700Nm of torque that feeds the rear tyres via a limited-slip differential.

Looking at the specs, the AMG now gets serious respect. One regular is heard muttering that the C 63 S AMG could create the same havoc as ML 63 AMG last year. I’m too busy checking out the Christmas tree lights and trying to figure out how to reduce my reaction time.

C 63 S AMG smokes a tuned Evo X

So this is how a drag race works. You inch forward towards the start line until both the white LEDs flash, indicating you’re in position. The starter gives you the thumbs up, waits for your acknowledgement, and then gets the timing marshall to activate the launch sequence. Three orange lights come on one after the other and then it is green and GO! The best drivers anticipate when it will go green so that their reaction times are in the tenths of a second. Get it wrong and the light goes red and your run is disqualified. It’s not as easy as it looks.

Getting the C 63 S AMG ready for the drag is an altogether more simple matter. Click the Dynamic Controller into Race mode, one step more hardcore than Sport+. No need to touch the ESP switch as it gets deactivated in Race mode. Pull both the steering paddles together to activate launch control. Click the right paddle to confirm launch control activation. Wait for the orange lights to come on while the left foot is on the brake and right on the throttle. Release the brake on green and just hold on. The C 63 S AMG has so much power that if you floor it the rear wheels are literally set on fire. But it also has a sophisticated electronics package that in Race mode continuously monitors the grip and traction levels and meters out the power so that you get the best possible launch with minimal wheelspin. Basically it idiot proofs the car.

GLA 45 AMG was used as the pace car at the Valley Run

Time to line up. I’m in the H3 class for sub-four-litre foreign cars and up against a variety of proper two-seat, two-door drag racing cars. On the first run I hold it too long on launch control and the safety protocol kicks in and deactivates it. Thankfully it is my practise run. In the holding area at the end of the runway, I practise the launch control sequence and figure out it remains active for seven seconds.

My final H3 class run. I’m not running against anybody because the timing lights on the left side are acting up. It removes a bit of pressure but isn’t such a good thing as I have a relatively lazy reaction time. The C 63 S AMG, on the other hand, is anything but lazy as it bellows its way to 12.368 second quarter mile time. The tuned 700 GT-R is obviously quicker but I end up blitzing the Porsche’s and even make 2 seconds on the M3. I don’t believe it, on my very first outing on my very first drag race I finish third and get a shiny trophy to add to my rally collection.

Fun moments in a windy atmosphere

I’m so excited I stay back for the blue-riband open class, the J class. This is open to anything and everything – everything goes. Throw out the seats to lighten the car, put a dozen turbochargers, use race fuel, you can do whatever you like. I throw out the spare wheel to save some weight, and then have lunch to add it back on.

I come back from lunch to see everyone checking tyre temperatures, one dude doing a big smoky burnout so that hot stick rubber will launch him off the line. I don’t have a tyre gauge so I kick the tyres and nod appreciatively.

Twin-turbo V8 kicks out 503bhp and 700Nm. Claimed 0-100kmph time is 4 seconds

My practice run for the J class. I’m lined up against the GT-R. The 800bhp GT-R. 503 versus 800. Rear-wheel drive versus all-wheel drive. You don’t get times for the practice run so I don’t know what my reaction time is but it looks good and half way down the runway I am on his rear wing. It’s only later that the GT-R, using all its horsepower and traction advantage, begins to pull away.

The paddock is deeply impressed. Even the GT-R guy is shocked that I could keep on his tail. And another drag racing regular loves the exhaust note so much he asks me if I’ve got a tuned exhaust on it. No sir. This is a stock showroom-spec car.

The standard C 63 isn’t sold in India, we only get the more powerful S variant

Final run. I’m nervous now. In the draw of lots I’m lined up against the tuned Evo X, looking mad and angry with a bunch of aero aids. All-wheel drive against my showroom-spec rear-wheel drive AMG. It’s not the most even-handed contest in the world but I get my race face on.

Line up. Thumbs up to the to the starter. Activate launch control. The three orange lights come on, green, and we’re off. The C 63 S AMG launches brilliantly with just the right amount of wheelspin to nose an inch ahead of the Evo X. Up the gears, the twin-clutch 7-speed gearbox banging in shift after quick shift so that half way down the runway my nose is still ahead. 300 metres, 350 metres, I don’t know whether to look at the Evo X or straight down the runway. This is the first time I’m running side-by-side against another car down the runway and I can tell you it’s a massive thrill. The C 63’s motor is screaming at the top of its lungs. I’m screaming at the GoPro at the top of my lungs. And at the end of the runway I’m ahead. By barely a whisker but I win my heat. I clock 12.367 seconds, a shade faster than my H3 class podium run. The Evo X clocks 12.307 seconds. That’s a difference of six hundreths of a second. That was close! It would have been a photo finish at the line, except I had a better reaction, quicker by three tenths of a second.

The C 63 S AMG’s startling straight-line performance probably put the GT-R under so much pressure that it jump started and was disqualified. I thus climbed on to the second step of the podium in the open class. Two podiums on my very first drag race! Who’d have thought the C 63 S AMG could also double up as a drag racing champion?